I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
