A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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