my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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