morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
His hands were made for my vagina.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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