i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You ruined the universe
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
