I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
