I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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