They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
