she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
