I smell stomach acid.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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