It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
