Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
