I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
