I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
