Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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