:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
