Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
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