So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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