i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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