If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
