I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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