My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
