there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
