at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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