Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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