I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
