WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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