she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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