Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
