I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
