I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
