i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
