Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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