So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
