So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
