She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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