Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
