I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
