i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
