wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
