Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
