dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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