I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
