i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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