watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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