I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got inside last night via doggy door
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
