i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
