I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
