Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
