Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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