best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
