i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
