Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
