i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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