Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
